Day off - redux

Rainy day Boston, sitting in cafes watching couples kiss with a mixture of jealousy and joy. One member of the couple is deaf, and they hurl their signs at each other, their conversation quick and torrential, the way that couples always talk when first starting out. They finish each other's sentences, cut each other off. She stands and walks over to him, I only see the back of her long, blonde hair. She leans over him and kisses him deeply and long, and the feeling wells up inside me like the blood coming up after picking a scab, it may take months to heal at this rate. I am an open wound, a sense of loss and longing, a constant ache and too much energy sending lightning bolts down my nerve endings, reminding me what it feels like to be touched through the absence of touch.

Slept very late this morning, skipped yoga since I haven't once since I arrived here. I figured maybe I could let the energy settle a little. Talked to Steph and my cat, discussed plans. I've been sitting in this cafe for a couple of hours, surfing, downloading songs. The Mountain Goats are my new favorites - I was riding around in the van on Friday, and a song came on the radio called Going to Georgia. A maniac singing with an acoustic guitar about the world being filled with light as he crossed the Macon county line.

I'll head home shortly (only so much time you can spend in the WEB before you feel completely disconnected from both the real world and any people around you) run lines, watch a movie, watch some TV, write a little more (you think I only give you guys the good stuff? There's a whole journal full of stuff that you may never see. Gotta have someplace to put what I really think :) ).

That's all. I suppose there's a purpose to this, sending out ruminative letters to friends and strangers. Thanks, as always, for reading them. I'm glad you're alive.